Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
