Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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