one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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