I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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