Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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