Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
