Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
