First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
