so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
