i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
