You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
