if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
