Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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