Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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