Just cropdusted the office
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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