Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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