shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
