Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
