yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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