you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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