Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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