So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
