i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
