Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
