U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
