You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How external is "for external use only"?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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