It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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