Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
