ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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