there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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