btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
