the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
