Whod you bang
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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