youre lurking in front of me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
