How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
