someone owes me an orgasm
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
