is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
