Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry about my life...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
