So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
