so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
