Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
