Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
