Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
