We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
