Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
