So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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