3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
