There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bring me that man meat
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
