I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
