why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
