Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
