so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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