When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
