i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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