Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Green mimosas i think yes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
